I love Dave,i love Dave,i fucking LOVE dave. I don't know what to do about this,but i love him and that's all i know. I cannot fucking live without him. I don't want to,i don't fucking want to. I don't CARE if i sound like a petulant child but I DON'T WANT TO. I know i can't just let jeremy go so fast,but how do i let Dave go? every time i chat to jem it reminds me of how dave and i started. and i want to cry every 5 mintues. he fucked up though. he fucked up. I can't forget that right now. Maybe i will in 4 months time but i can't forget that right now. right now, i see my soulmate of 9 years wanting to be with me for the rest of his life..knowing that before i've even said yes to him, and me thinking that i simply HAVE to at least give it a TRY. Even though i don't feel it right now,i know i used to feel it and timing can't help but tell me that i need to give it a try as hard as it is to let dave go. If he really loves me so dam much then he'll fucking wait a bit since he fucked it up to start with. But as gorgeous as jem is meant to be,and as perfect as jem is meant to be and as fucking awesome as jem and chris are MEANT to be, i DON'T FEEL IT. i only think of dave. i only want dave. i just want DAVE. But i can't have him. I must let go for now. I can't hold onto someone who i managed to feel pressured. I simply won't do it. Yes, that is it. I cannot stick around. Dave will never understand. or maybe he will,i don't know. But he'll probably be fucking some chic in argentina by the time it dawns on him, by which time it will be too late,because i could never have him after he's been with someone else. never. So basically, i just HAVE to get over him. But is jem my soulmate? He thinks so and i've always thought so...before dave. It's like Dave and i simply can't be apart. It just doesn't work. he's the only person i can't let go of. After breaking up with someone i normally just move on. And i don't care what psychologists and whoever the fuck else say, it's not JUST because he's familiar and we lived together and blah blah blah....i could fucking get over him if i wanted to. easily. But i don't want to. I don't fucking want to. And jeremy is coming here and i don't know what to do. But i just need to study. i can't fuck this up. not now. I can get through this,i know i can.